January 23, 2010

Hello, It has been awhile that I have been on here. (I forgot my log in and felt like I didn't have anything to say.) I have lost 70 lbs to date. I am up and down on the scale. I know I should not check everyday, but I do. My life as been nothing but a number. My pants are a number, I wore a pair of size 16. They were tight, but not tight enough that I could not breath. So to make myself fell better I say if it was a stretchy 16 then I could feel better about myself. I need to get my ass out there and exercise. I know that when I start to do that I will so feel much better and look better. I think I have lost 70 lbs and still I don't get the look I want. (Mental thing). People say look at you, you look good, blah blah blah. I can't find the inside of me that says HELL YEAH, KIM.

I can't talk about. I don't know why just can't. I think I have a inner struggle that I have been dealing with since I was 5 yrs old. I started getting round at that age. I got bigger and bigger. I wish I could take a pic of me and get rid of the 60-80 lbs left and say hey this is you skinny. I do not know what it is like to be small. I don't have the funds to get clothes that fit the frame I have now. I don't know who to listen to to get this lower blob belly to tighten up a little, blah blah blah.

I guess It will all work out. I hope the world doesn't end in 2012. I would like to have maybe 5 yrs of being less then 200lbs lol.

Good Night All,

Kimberly

Doctor Appointment

I went and saw the dr and I weighed in at 269. WhenI went to the Doctor to be weighed for my beginning weight, the scale reached 298. So I have lost 29 lbs??? Yet when I weighed myself before I started the liquid diet, I reached my limit of 305 ans yet when I get on the scale it weighs at 264. So did I lose 41 lbs? This so fustrating. I hate it.

Sept 8 2009

Well I go to the doc on Tuesday. I am nervous about what he is going to say. I have had some set backs in my short journey. I have the support of some and others not so much. That is ok. I know who I can turn to and be able to talk to.
I have found that I am not getting enough protein to stay awake during the day. I have been so tired. I need my focus. I started this for myself, then I need to start do it. I have to understand that I cannot eat certain things and not keep trying I will just end up hurting myself.
I am proud that at soccer practice for my girls, I ran with them . Maybe not as fast or as long but I didn't stop. I play kickball not as good as the rest of the team but I am trying. I am walking the park, just wishing my shins wouldn't hurt.

August 24, 2009

It is the middle, a month that I started the liquid diet (July 20) and a month that I had the surgery (July 27); I have lost 32 lbs. I wish it was more, but I suppose if I would stick closer to the diet that is outlined for this procedure I might have alittle more luck. But the foods they want you to eat I don't eat or they don't like me, I mean each week gets better. I have lots of trial and error foods. I probably will for awhile.
If I still was not as depressed as my body and mind are telling me, I am thinking that my body would be kinder. I still want to stress eat, sad eat, etc., but I know that will just really screw me up. I need to make new friends; realizing that when I was married I never had married friends to go and do things with. My other half didn't want to come out. Now that I am getting to know married people, I am back to a single. I could fake it and be happy all the time, I just might start believing it. I can be happy despite my luck and my status of any kind, right?

I have started walking the park, I try and play kickball on Mondays for now. but good gravy my legs hurt for about 2 days, I hope it goes bye bye. I wish my lungs were a little better. I can't weight/wait to be able to kickbox. I need cardio to get me going but how do I fit in when my life revolves around my daughter and the things she does. I have to present and interact with her different activites we are in together, (which I would her to take it with me). She is all I have, I suppose she is all I need.

I should have measured myself to see if any inches are coming off, but that was something I didn't want to confront. It would be easy for a pic for all to see.
Thank you everyone

Kimberly

A Quick Hello...

Well I am three weeks out of surgery and very impatient. I am still at the 25 lbs in 3 weeks but I have not started working out yet so I am hoping that that will help. I am going to start walking with marilyn and going to get Amy also there. i want to say thatnk you to all who have said I look good this early in the game. I wish I could say the same. On Thursday I will be back with pictures of my monthly weight loss and look. I hope that each picture will change monthly. It starts and ends with me, right? So I guess I need to stop complaining and get in there and freaking DO IT!!!!
Kimberly

Falling Apart...

I feel like I am falling apart. I know that this is to be a new beginingbut why do I feel like it is the end. Not the end to an old life but life itself. The mania is so hard to deal with. Thinking and dwelling when I should be living. But I have never lived before. I still feel myself dying, i feel the urge to vomit, to purge myself from everything, everyone. I sometimes wish the mania would take me, take me far from where I am. The self destruction seems so close yet so far away. I feel that any minute could be my last. No not that way. Inside the pain aches and yet none can see unless I open that door, which I sometimes want to hide deep in the room away, away from everyone. For I don't know when the next time I will be able to breathe, breathe without pain, anger, despair....

To feel the touch, the touch of forever, forever free. I anguish in my body drains me, leads me to the end. The thought that you cannot give up one thing to keep me to love me.. I wonder about myself. I hope this works, I am tired of disappointments in myself, in others, in life.

I have made it ...kinda

I just want to say that the surgery is painful. I still hurt and things no longer feel right. I know I decided to do this. I am ok with this. I have lump where I think they put me together.lol I go to the dr on Tuesday and will go from there. I don't think I have lost any weight. I know I don't feel like eating, which I hear is ok. So you don't eat you don't gain. I know the pain of taking too big of a drink, and that feeling of food being heavy. This are things I don't like , which yes I try not to do. So I take one day at a time which is all anyone can do. Thank you, Tahnk you fvery much...