Monday, August 2, 2010


It has been about three months since I have written anything. I have been trying to think about what to write. I guess when you think it doesn't come out.
It has been a hard year of learning how to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, and what kinds. I let you know I am not doing a very good job at it. Yes, I have lost 103 lbs but I feel I could have done much better.
I have inner demons that I thought I have dealt with, I was wrong. I am mean, hateful, deceitful, angry, sad, scared, and alone. I have no one I feel that I can talk to about this. I feel like I am stuck in this cage, I can see out but no one can come in.
I have done nothing but eaten and eaten and eaten. I feel so digusted with myself. I hate looking at me, I hate being me, I want to cut open this skin and fly away. The pain I carry is not only mine but others. I want to fix them and make them right. I just don't know where to start.... Ok done no more.....

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