It is not that easy...

I wrote this Saturday... Well I thought that it would be easy, it's not I sat in the hotel room while Shania, Cierra and mom ate at Shoney's. Nikki says"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels", I hope she is right. But with my feeling this way I have to succeed, I will succeed! I still have that feeling of the food is there I need to eat it, no reason but just to eat it. Why do I really need to eat it? I will not feel better, it will not make my mood better, it will do nothing but bring me down because I ate it. It will not get me closer to my goal. Just because it's there I don't need to eat it. Is it because I can't have it? When I can't have something it makes want it more. Will my mind keep saying that when the surgery is over with? Or will I turn the other way and not eat at all, becoming anorexic? I hope these feelings go away when I start seeing results. I DON'T NEED FOOD TO MAKE ME HAPPY!!!!!!! I am crying for what reason I don't know. I guess because I have been a quitter my whole life I don't want to fail or quit... I know who the old me is and what I do/did.
Once again I am rambling, I am scared of changing I guess, I will no longer be invisible. I have been invisible all my life, what do I do when I am noticed. That scares me. I guess it is like an alcoholic... one day at a time.
Tomorrow is the big day, I'll be home Tuesday. Thanks to everyone in my corner. Luv to all.
Kimber